The Fangirl Invasion  Part 1
by DronfieldJashinist
Summary: I am fallenangel119 on . This is my story.    Basically it's Deidara's 16th birthday, and now that everyone in the Akatsuki base is old enough to be sexy, they're going to take it over and kidnap our bishis.    Mairin is my OC.
1. Part 1 The Beginning

Part 1 of a saga.

THE FAN GIRL INVASION.

DEIDARA'S 16TH BIRTHDAY.

09:58

"Don't worry, Dei-chan," Sasori said soothingly to the shivering little blond. "I'm sure they're just bluffing."

Kisame peeked out the privacy curtain.

"Actually, they're still there." the were-shark corrected. "I think there are more than before."

"What's with the giant clock?" Itachi asked, making a few more Akatsuki agents peer out the window too.

"It's a count down." Kakuzu explained. "And whatever they're counting down to, there's only two more minutes to wait."

"Why can't they just leave?" Deidara asked looking small and venerable. "I can't accept the fact that I've only got two more minutes to LIVE, un!"

Pein opened the lounge door with a very solemn look on his face. Konan looked pale.

"There's only one thing we can do." Pein said gravely. "When that clock strikes 10am, they will overwhelm this fortress to reach their prey. Deidara's sixteenth birthday may very well be his last if we don't hide him, defend him from the fan girl hoards that are gathering on our doorstep."

"You're turning sixteen?" Hidan gawped. "F***! We're done for! I barely made it out of _mine_ alive!"

"My eyes were bleeding for days…" Itachi recalled quietly.

Kisame peeked behind the curtain again.

"Zetsu's coming in."

Zetsu poked up out the wall on cue.

"Sir, I don't think we could even call that a hoard anymore." he said gesturing to the window.

"How many?"

"Thousands, sir."

"Has anyone seen Mairin?" Sasori asked, an arm around the soon-to-be-fan-girl-fodder-sixteen-year-old.

"She's probably leading them." Hidan growled wrathfully crushing his coffee mug in one hand.

"One minute." Tobi said unhelpfully.

"Crap!" Hidan yelled.

"Konan!" Pein ordered instantly. "Tobi, you too! We're barricading you two and Deidara in his room! We'll hold them off as long as we can. There's no knowing what horrible things they'll do to you if they catch you. Living with ten guys never goes unpunished by fan girls."

Konan nodded, teary-eyed.

"Everyone, move!" Pein instructed. He turned to Konan. "When I get back… _if_ I get back… I want a hero's welcome."

She nodded again and kissed him tenderly on the lips.

"Now go."

Running down the corridor she heard Sasori yell to Pein.

"They backdoor's about to give out!"

"Hold it as long as you can! They must** not **get their fan girl hands on Deidara!"

"Yes sir!"

"Zetsu-cha~n!"

"Open up, Zetsu!"

"Come on Zetsu!"

Zetsu could feel the fan girls trying open his Venus fly trap. He'd only managed to bury himself up to his neck in his attempt to keep as many of the fan girls away from the base as possible.

Suddenly he heard ten, long, loud chimes of a clock.

"So it begins." his black half muttered.

"Good luck to both of us." replied the white half.

Suddenly a line of light hit him.

"What the-? A crowbar? Where do fan girls get a crowbar?" he yelled, clamping the Venus fly trap tighter around him.

The crowbar wouldn't work.

Then they started up the chainsaw and Zetsu actually started to panic.

"No! It might hurt him!"

_Might?_

_MIGHT?_

"Oh yeah! Let's use the digger my dad lent me!"

"Oh crappage." Zetsu grumbled as he heard the digger pull up.

"Zetsu's down!" Sasori yelled down the corridor. Pein was barricading Deidara's room with the help of Kisame, Itachi and …. …. ….

"TOBI?" exclaimed Pein as Tobi shifted the sofa. "YOU WERE MEANT TO BE _IN_ THE ROOM NOT HELPING MY BLOCK IT!"

Tobi paused.

"Oopsie."

"Hide, damnit!" yelled Pein. "Sasori, how's the door?"

"I can't hold it anymore!" he yelled. "It's gonna break!"

"Hold out just a bit longer!"

"Yes sir!"

Sasori looked at his army of a thousand puppets.

"All ready?" he asked himself with a bitter chuckle. His chakra strings were shaking.

Suddenly a hand burst through the door, grabbing at the air until it landed on his shoulder.

Sasori threw himself forward, readying his puppets for mortal combat.

One thousand puppets and one puppeteer puppet was nowhere near enough for the legions of rabid fan girls.

"Sasori-ku~n!"

"NO! You'll never take me ALIVE!"

Within three minutes his puppets were mere piles of limbs on the floor. Desperately he tried to turn and run, but with a sudden _yank _he found himself suddenly shorter.

"I've got his leg!"

"I've got his other leg!"

The fan girls ran about waving his limbs.

Sasori tried to drag himself away with his arms but soon fan girl hands were on him and tying him to a stake. Hefting him high in the air they began to chant

"WE HAVE SASORI-NO-DANNA! WE HAVE SASORI-NO-DANNA!"

"Damn you, Hell-risen creatures, DIE!" yelled Hidan swinging his scythe. These fan girls… they were invincible… immortal… they just kept getting back up, happier and more determined than ever.

For every three he cut down, ten replaced them. He was surrounded.

Suddenly his scythe was grabbed and almost wrenched from his hand.

"Oh no you don't-" he snarled snatching it back.

Then they grabbed his sleeves and pulled, ripping the cloak clean in half.

Hidan sighed.

"S***, I just _knew_ this was a bad day to go commando."

Glomp.

Kakuzu was holding his own when he saw Hidan be dragged under the fan girl currents.

"Take my heart Kuzu-chan!"

"No, take mine! It's all yours!"

"I love you Kakuzu!"

Kakuzu had to reach his partner. He saw him surface and claw his way back up to the top.

"Aw, what a cute little Jashinist."

Hidan's expression was priceless.

"Little Jashinist? _LITTLE?_" he quoted, almost enraged. "I object to that statement! I am a VEYR BIG Jashinist thank you very much! That's it, TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"

"No, Hidan! You idiot!" yelled Kakuzu, wading through the fan girls.

"Y'know, that sounded better before I said it." Hidan admitted as he was tied to the stake and lifted into the air. He started struggling and thrashing. "Kakuzu, save yourself!"

Kakuzu was dragged down.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Wait!" yelled a familiar voice. "Stand back!"

"_You_ _traitor_." snarled Hidan.

"Hi Hidan-sempai!" Mairin smiled.

"Can't we have them?" asked a fan girl, looking confused.

"No," Mairin said eying her two sempai. "These two are mine."

"Oh, snap." Kakuzu groaned.

"How do you know this shelf will hold our weight?" Kisame yelled above the sound of shrieking fan girls.

"This is Hidan's reserve-porno-shelf." Itachi explained. "Very high up and capable of holding three point five tonnes."

"Well there's a relief." Kisame sighed. "Saved by Hidan's porno shelf."

"Kisa-kun! Come down!"

"We want to see your sword!"

"Itachi-kun!"

"Come on down, you little weasel!"

"Crap, what do we do?" Kisame asked. "Any ideas?"

"None." Itachi admitted.

"Wait, I got one!" Kisame gasped. "Start shredding your cloak. Drop the pieces down for them."

"It's an idea." Itachi muttered. "Besides, if they catch us, these cloaks won't do anything to protect us."

Kisame gulped and started shredding his cloak.

Five minutes later.

"I'm running out of cloak, Kisame!" Itachi whispered.

"Improvise!" he replied quickly, taking off his shoes and ripping them.

Another five minutes later.

Both nin were in their boxers, standing on the shelf, well of reach.

"Ok, no more clothing!" yelled Kisame hugging his sword.

Itachi eyed Samehada.

"No." Kisame reacted instantly.

"It's all we have! Just throw it out the door, they might follow it! Then we jump out the window into the pool, then run for it!"

Kisame considered his sword… then his dignity/safety.

He nodded, then raised his sword. With an almighty throw, he threw it through the open door… and the fan girls chased after it.

"Go!" yelled Itachi. Kisame leapt from the shelf onto the window sill and edged across the ledge. Wow, long way down... he could see everything from there, just like on the movies when they edged along the outside of buildings with all the cars moving beneath them on the road like ants… and you know that if you fall, you're dead…

Wait. Where was Itachi?

He stole a glance through the open window from the outside and saw the fan girls heading back into the room. And the fridge was open, but with the entrance flat on the floor… and Itachi… was in it.

No. Way.

"Itachi, you idiot!" he hissed under his breath, then backed against the walls. They were coming to the window. He held his breath, just in case they heard that.

"Can you see them?" one fan girl.

The fan girl opened the window, just in time for the wind to catch it and slam it open. Whacking the handle smack bang into Kisame's groin.

Who the Hell put a handle on the outside of a window?

Akatsuki did.

Kisame swallowed his scream, using all the guts he had.

"No, can't see them." the other said finally closing the window.

Kisame tipped forward and off the ledge straight into the pool.

Itachi was still under the fridge.

He heard the sounds of feet leaving. Once he was sure he was alone he hefted the fridge off himself.

"Kisame?" he whispered. "Kisame?"

No reply.

The window was ajar. He peered out. There was Kisame, floating facedown in the pool. Itachi weaselled down the drainpipe. He crouched at the pool side and started flicking water at his partner.

"Hey! Kisame!" he hissed, trying to keep his voice down. "Get up! Come on, we gotta go!"

Kisame wasn't moving.

"Hey! There he is!"

"Itachi-kun!"

Impossible. They'd found him again.

Itachi didn't think about what he did next, it was all he could do.

"Tsukiyomi!"

The world went negative Itachi strained to consume the fan girls into his realm. Dozens. Hundreds. Thousands.

So long as he didn't lose his concentration, he might be able to pull this off. For a while. But it would lessen their numbers and help Deidara, Konan and Tobi escape.

He just had to keep his concentration.

Then he saw Kisame on one of the T-shaped structures, still being lovingly-verbally-assaulted by the fan girls around him.

Itachi snorted to restrain a laugh, then lost his focus.

His eyes began to bleed.

"Aw! Itachi-kun's bleeding!"

"We have to help him!"

Itachi was dragged into the hoard with Kisame… and did not arise.


	2. Part 2   End

Part 2 of the saga.

THE FAN GIRL INVASION.

DEIDARA'S 16TH BIRTHDAY.

"They dug up Zetsu about ten minutes ago, now Hidan and Kakuzu are down," Pein informed Konan through the radio. "And we just lost Itachi and Kisame! That's six including Sasori!"

"Oh my God…" whimpered Konan. "How do you know?"

"I can see them. Being carried around on stakes."

Konan clapped her hand to her mouth.

Deidara took a peek out the enforced window, then leaned to the radio.

"Yep. Mairin has Hidan and Kakuzu, un. They're done for."

"How's our end of the building?"

"You're fine. Now give me a minute, I need to finish something."

"Dein! Stay still!" hissed Pein.

"I can't draw a mouth on your palm if you keep thrashing like that!" yelled Kein.

"I have more of his hair dye on my hands than in his hair!" muttered Hein.

Zein just kept a stupid grin on his puppet-like face, chipping into a headband to create the missing-iwa-nin hitai-ate.

Dein continued to thrash. His orange hair was now blond, his palms had permanent marker mouths, his headband was changed and a metallic scope glued to his eye.

"I think we've put it on the wrong eye." Fein thought out loud.

"No, Fein, we're ok." Pein said making towards the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"The front door. Someone has to hold out from there."

"No! It's suicide."

"Someone has to do it."

"…You have to tell Konan. Take the radio. Tell her."

He held the radio in his outstretched hand. Pein took it.

"Thanks."

"Good luck." Kein said and Hein nodded.

"Good luck to Dein." Pein said looking to Dein.

"I hate you." Dein growled.

"Pein, are you ok?" Konan asked over the radio.

"I'm going to be fine Konan. I'll see you again soon. I love you."

"Pein, tell me what's happening!"

"Someone has to guard the front door."

"No, Pein! You don't stand a chance alone!"

"Someone has to do it."

"Pein-"

"We don't stand a chance if we don't stand up and fight!"

"…Pein…"

"I'll hold them off as long as I can. Konan, I love you."

"I love you too, Pein."

Pein stood in front of the front door. It was bowing under the weight of fan girls pounding on it, almost breaching it.

Pein was standing majestically in the porch, hand on his hips, ready to look them in the eye.

"Bring the pain." he declared.

When the door broke, the wave of fan girls hit him.

"PEIN! NO!" Konan shrieked as the radio went static.

"He was a good man, Konan!" Deidara comforted her. "He wanted us to LIVE, un!"

Rustling at air-vent made Deidara jump in front of her protectively. The vent cover broke off.

A familiar orange mask poked through.

"Tobi?"

"Tobi has come to rescue you!"

"Let's go, un!"

Tears were still steaming down Konan's face as they left the radio behind.

"PEIN!"

"Come on, un!"

"We've lost Pein!"

Hein the Human Realm, Kein the Hell Realm, Zein the Asura Realm, Fein the Preta Realm and Dein the Animal Path exchanged concerned glances. Pein was gone. The fan girls were strong enough to take down their leader. That scared their combined intelligence.

"Well, let's climb up the sky light then." Hein concluded, giving Kein a leg up.

"I don't wanna do this!" Dein protested as Kein pulled him through the skylight. "I never did!"

"Shut up!"

Grabbing transformed Dein, Kein and Zein, the two larger bodies, lifted him over their heads. Hein shouted down to the fan girls below, invading their base:

"WE HAVE HIM!"

The fan girls stopped their assaults on the word. The captured Akatsuki agents looked up at the God sent vision. Deidara and Dein might as well have been twins.

"WE HAVE YOUR PREY!" Hein yelled. "DEIDARA! AGED 16 YEARS AND 19 MINUTES"

The fan girls cheered.

"No it's not!" yelled Dein, fearing for his life. "It's me, Dein! They lie!"

The fan girls kept cheering.

"Dein! We weren't going to hand you over, dumbass! We had a plan to save you! But _**no**_, you blew it! Sayanora, buddy!"

With that Zein and Kein threw him off the roof. The fan girls began to swarm through the skylight.

The days of the Peins were over.

"They're catching up!" Tobi said to Deidara and Konan.

"Wait, Tobi," Deidara responded. "You're voice, it's changed! It's not all goofy anymore, un!"

"I'm sorry Deidara-sempai." Tobi said in his new serious voice. "I'm not what you think I am. But it's the only thing I can use to help you two escape. You're the victims here. I'll try and get you as much time as I can for you to hide."

"Thanks Tobi, un."

"If I survive," Tobi warned. "You owe me big time, kid."

"Yeah, un."

"Less talking, more running." Tobi said slowing down to turn and face the hoards.

The fan girls came over the hill, standing silhouetted in the sunlight.

Tobi almost hummed "What's That Coming Over The Hill, Is It A Monster" in the spur of the moment.

"…Tobi-chan…" the fan girls drooled.

It was time for Tobi to reveal his most powerful technique.

He ripped off his mask. Masashi Kishimoto had made him change since the days of the First Hokage.

"HA!" he yelled triumphantly. "You wouldn't touch THIS would you?"

Much to his horror, the fan girls kept on drooling.

He dared touch his face, just to check.

"What? Where are my wrinkles?" he demanded. "I'm young again! I'm GORGEOUS!"

He panicked.

"MANGEKYO!" he yelled, hoping for devastating results.

Nothing happened.

He touched his face again.

"Wait, how young _am I_? Sixteen? Oh crap, I don't have the Mangekyo yet! Double crap! I'm blind! Run Deidara RUN!"

Tobi/Madara charged forwards waving his arms and screaming.

The fan girls set down the cupboard they were carrying and opened the door. Tobi/Madara ran straight into the cupboard and they closed then locked it behind him. Hefting him up onto their shoulders they carried him off.

"Why Kishimoto? WHY?"

Because this is a _**fanfic**_. Anything can happen.

Deep in their hidden area, Konan cried on Deidara's shoulder after Pein's disappearance.

"A great many men have been lost to the cruel hands of fan girls today." Deidara resolved. "They sacrificed themselves so that we might live. They will be remembered…"

Suddenly Konan stopped sobbing.

And she _laughed_.

The next thing Deidara knew, he was taped securely by his wrists and ankles to a chair. In his boxers. There was Konan, standing in front of him holding the duct tape.

"Konan!" he exclaimed. "I defend you! You betrayed us just like Mairin! Damn your oestrogen levels, DAMN THEM!"

Konan pulled open the tape and taped over his mouth.

"Oh, I couldn't resist." she laughed.


End file.
